Canada to Build a Border Wall
Alleged reprint from the Toronto Star
The
flood of "Trump-fearing" American liberals/progressives sneaking across
the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican
presidential win is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans
who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live
according to the Constitution. Canadian border residents say it's not
uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I
went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer
Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was
cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even
got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"In
an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that
blared Rush Limbaugh reruns across the fields, but they just stuck their
fingers in their ears and kept coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high hailers.Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens
about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in
the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand
CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps
to their cell phones. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but
the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.
"After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?”